Trauma and Pain (PTSD) Author: Chuck Prinzen Jr. I have been asked numerous times how do
I know that I have PTSD. I have not been
in a war, I have not been a medical responder, nor was I in law
enforcement? Post-traumatic
stress disorder (PTSD)
is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either
experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares
and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. Age, it seems, allows you to develop a
much better understanding of the past and the future. The nightmares that I
have endured for the past sixty years are similar to a scar that will never
heal, no matter what you do. The scars
of childhood trauma manifested into PTSD for me as a teenager and young adult. My coping mechanism for these nightmares is
rather awkward, but it works for me. I
think of my dreams as a television with
unlimited channels. Sometimes the
channel changes fast, sometimes slow, the variability here is the level of
violence found on that channel.
Unfortunately to change channels I always have to go through a specific memory,
a terrible past situation that this television set always reverts to. This is channel 3 and here is the story … … at the age of three I was living with
my mother and stepfather in a two story home built in the 1950’s. We occupied the lower level and my
grandmother had the upper level. I could
not tell you today which family side grandma (one of three) belonged to but
none the less that is the way it was. When
things would go bad, (the beatings) I was passed onto one of my three
grandmas’. Depending on which one was available. One particular evening my stepfather Cal was
completing a diaper change on me, he asked if I had to go potty, I said “no”. We’ll, bad things happened, I accidently peed
on him and his anger trigger button was pushed.
Unfortunately Cal and I were home alone
while my mother was at work. I cannot
recall what “object” was used to inflict the pain, I have had them all. In a frantic mode I remember yelling “no, no,
no,” I just knew what was about to happen.
Cal was swearing viciously while grabbing whatever limb he could for
control while inflicting pain on other parts of my body. My screams were loud enough that my
grandmother heard them through the floorboards prompting a call to the police
for help. When the police arrived they
found me in my bed covered with blankets, this was my physiological way of
building a shield around me so I could hide.
One of the policeman removed the blankets to find a severely beaten and damaged
child, I can only imagine him crying at what he saw. Cal was led away in handcuffs as my
mother hurried home from work just to be interviewed by child protective
services. A short time later I was taken
away to a safe place while my mother yelled and cried as she was deemed unfit
to parent me …. This is my channel 3. I do not have to remain on this channel for a
very long period of time but I will always know that it is there. Find your own way to avoid these channels of
abuse, find the channel that can help you recover. By simply changing that channel …. all you have to do is to wake up from the
nightmare. |
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Categorieschild abuse, life cycles |
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